1. This:

May look cute, and be great for play therapy, but if it comes and whines at my feet ONE MORE TIME for attention I am booting it across the hall. C'mon little dinosaur ... TRY ME.

2. Big boobs crammed into push up bras are really good at saving you from massive scalds down your body as they catch the tea you have dropped. My post-feeding boobs, if unleashed, could protect me down to my knees.

3. Apparently 12 year olds can now be interns.

4. Parents are idiots is not a valid answer to 'reason for admit'.

5. Small children are idiots isn't either.

6. Songs from Frozen only need to touch your ears for a split second and they will stay trapped in there all fucking day.

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7. Blu Tac becomes molten lava if put in the microwave and will eat through skin like me in a cake store.

8. When you have got a blood pressure, you should really remember to deflate the cuff and take it off before going to find a tempanic thermometer.

9. Bum and fart jokes can cut through pain.

10. Not everyone wants to talk about debriding burns over dinner.

Who knows what wonders await me next week?